be cool....

“Why do you take the bus” she asked me. I looked around the bus stop a couple of times to make sure this was in fact directed at me. It was, I stammered something still unsure of myself, “because my mom makes me”. I left out that my mom had to be at work, it was in that moment, beginning of sophomore year I realized that it was not about being popular, it was in fact about being cool. There was no one cooler than the girl posing this question, she followed this up with “get in asshole” I again looked around to make sure this blessing was being bestowed upon me.

I had wasted years being jealous of my older brother’s “popular” status, arriving at high school knowing I would not be. I had spent so much time trying to be “popular”, which required a lot of coordination such as cheerleading, having your mom drop off Olive Garden soup salad and endless breadsticks (never gonna happen) getting through a solid 40 minutes of PE, and likely having money for multiple Benetton looks. I did have a note from my mom about my heart murmur that permanently alleviated PE but how far would that take me?

You see Jill was not “popular” she was fucking “cool”. She was a senior to my sophomore, my only experience with them was zero as I went to an all girls high school (ahem). She did not have the expensive car the popular girls would get and she gave zero of the fucks. She had a navy blue Ford Escort, she had trimmed the inside with some kind of mini disco curtains. She had a Big Gulp that was permanently icy, cigarettes and music. I opened the car door half expecting her to do my brothers go to move the ol’ pull up and leave.